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Tech News (more headlines) 05-08-2000

HITS DAILY DOUBLE SIGNALS DEMISE OF THE WEB; MUSIC TRADE'S ONLINE DEBUT PEDDLES INFO JUNK TO INFO JUNKIES

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HITS Daily Double-the Internet debut of the infamous music-industry trade rag-launches May 8. The site, which can be found at http://www.hitsdailydouble.com, isn't merely an online substitute for the weekly magazine. It's something far more disturbing. With its staff of barely literate editorial geeks, remedial tech nerds and talent-free art slaves, the Double will undoubtedly stink up the Web in much the same way HITS has disgraced the realm of print. Just check out these features:

*Music and tech news updated twice daily (at 7 a.m. and 3 p.m. PST), including regular features by VP/Senior Editor/ace reporter and Marlboro poster boy Marc Pollack. Why this acclaimed journo chose certain career suicide by taking this gig only his psychoanalyst knows for sure.

*An interactive rumor mill packed with all the juicy dish and blind items a gossip addict could possibly crave.

*A building album chart that lets you know on Monday what you'll most likely see in SoundScan on Wednesday.

* "Who Wants To Be A Thousandaire?" a weekly retail guessing contest with a thousand-dollar prize. No, that's not a typo-HITS gives you money.

*A "Steaming Media" section, featuring interviews with mucky-mucks from the recording, broadcasting and online worlds.

*Weekly audio testimony from retailers, with real funny moving mouths.

*A streaming version of Vibe-Raters (our weekly survey of acts breaking outside the Top 40) that lets you check out music by tomorrow's superstars.

3701 Wilshire Boulevard. 6th Fl., Los Angeles, CA 90010 213-639-6160 (F)
213-639-3950

*Listings of Most Added songs in top radio formats, music-video adds and upcoming TV appearances by artists.

*A searchable database of stories we didn't get around to deleting.

*The Guy with the Goggles, a talking redneck head.

*Animated mayhem from "Airhead" cartoonist Van Arno.

*Much, much more. Don't ask, because we don't know yet.

"What is this 'Web site,' and how much is it going to cost me?" asked HITS Editor In Chief Leonard J. Beer. When informed that the same idiots who produced his weekly magazine were on the case, and that they'd be paid the same meager salaries, Beer-who is now able to turn on his computer with his assistant's help-resumed his peaceful nap. HITS Publisher Dennis Lavinthal was on vacation and unavailable for comment. Beer and Lavinthal will unleash a lavish promotional plan for the site as soon as they figure out where to send the FedEx envelopes stuffed with $100 bills. To check out the music news site that absolutely nobody's talking about, point your browser to http://www.hitsdailydouble.com. You'll be sorry you did. HITS Daily Double: The ultimate proof that any moron can have a Web site. For more information concerning HITS magazine or hitsdailydouble.com, don't bother us-call them at (818) 501-7900, or e-mail HITSDoubleTalk@aol.com

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